Dear Diary,
You wont believe what happened to me. This morning Stephon woke me up because mom went to the store to buy groceries. I don't like it when he wakes me up because he always tells me something about how I should really not shower before I sleep because it will mess up my curls, or that my PJs don't match, or that I should really get a makeover because it looks like a troll pooped on my face. Like a boy would know. You know what else he told me the other day? He said that coach purses were going out of fashion! What?! Sometimes I wonder if he's even a boy. Although he does watch football with dad. He's very loud about it too. Sometimes I hear him scream something like, "Why would that team pick red and Brown as their colors! That looks terrible!"
Anyways, so when he woke me up this morning I screamed at him to get out because I was in only my fabby Victoria's Secret underwear. It's so pink and lacy they are just so amazeballs. He left and I got dressed. Today was the end of spirit week, so it was Formal Friday. I wore a black booty skirt, and a white shirt that showed lots. I looked TOTES PROFESH. I went to school, and everyone loved my outfit, except stupid, old, Mrs. Perry. She told me that I was violating dress code and I needed to go change into my P.E. uniform. I called her a dumb ho. She sent me to the principals office.
In the the principals office I was given a detention and some uggboots clothes to put on over my fabby outfit. I can't believe it. I couldn't believe it. "I dressed up for spirit day! Now you're covering my school spirit!" The principal told me that he wouldn't need to cover up my school spirit, if I would cover my body more effectively. He said I had them out like eggs on a platter. He's just jealous.
Unfortunately that is when Zach went by. He saw me in my terriballs outfit! I just hid behind the bush for the rest of the day and cried. Then Mr. Stasford turned around the corner and saw me he asked me what I was doing out of class. I told him that it was "my time of month" and had forgotten my "special pads" and didn't know what to do. He wrote me a pass to the nurses office so I could call home, and go home early. Sarah taught me about that trick to get out of trouble. It works. Especially on guy teachers.
Mom wasn't fooled. She told me that I needed to write a note to that bald teacher and apologize for lying. This is what I wrote:
Dear Mr. Strasford,
I apologize for you not knowing very much. Mostly about girls. Maybe that's why you're single. And bald.
Love,
Aggie Reynolds
P.S. Rogaine would help. And also bathing.
Well, then I put it in an envelope and licked it. All sensual like. Then mom mailed it. She never read it.
That's how my day went. Totebags horriblocity.
Love,
Aggie
