Dearest Diary,
I know what your thinking. Why would Aggie abandon me like this?! I was here Biffle, and it has been ages since she stroked my pages. Well, diary I’ve been busy with all the cheer I’ve been doing. Junior year is here, and I am ready to rock the field. Soon all those football players will be missing entire plays to try and see up the bottom of my cuticle skirt, and all the crazy fans will be screaming at me to do my signature move: The Maraca. I invented it when I was in Spanish when we watched a video about mexican culture (I swear my family’s gardener was in it, like 8 times). This one girl in the movie played the maracas, and she shook them so hard her chest shook too. It was so fantastic I invented a cheer where I mock playing the maracas, but the real point of it is to shake my jugs around for the crowd. At first when I tried to do it the principle stopped me, but for some reason all the seniors boys showed up for the next game. I guess this must have made some money, because my coach said I could do the “hooker” move again.
Today was the first day of school, and when I got my schedule I totes cried my eyesies out because Britturd (my new name for my Biffle Britta) did not have all of the same classes as me. I love Britturd with all my heart, and it was not perfnugs to have to go to English without her.
Well I went to English. I have this new teacher at our school named Mr. Titte. He looks like hes about 25, and OMGizzle he’s sooo hottastick. He says his name’s pronounced “tee-tey”, but I pronounce it like “tit”. When I called him that the first time he asked me what my name was and I told him, “Aggie Reynolds.” He inhaled a little and then said, “so you’re the one I’ve heard about”. I batted my glamorous new fake eyelashes at him (I got them at crazylashes.com. If you look real close they have my name written across them. They are so fabby) and asked “Did you hear that I’m a naughty girl? Sometimes teachers have to spank me, cuz I’m so naughty.” I sent him a little wink.
He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Nope. I don’t spank people. I do however give detentions.”
I sighed and looked down at my boring work in front of me. I’m gonna have tostep up my game with this guy.
I drove home (I got my driver’s licence over the summer. Though I think I only passed because I flirted with the uggboots tester guy) with Stephon. The whole way home all he could talk about was the new fashion trends. “That girl was such a skank. Did you see her boots! They were not cuteboots. They were UGGboots.” What does he know about fashion anyways?
When we got home, mom had made cookies for us on our first day of school. Well guess what?! They were raisin cookies! She knows I HATE raisins. I was so mad that I grabbed the tray from the counter and dumped all the cookies in the toilet. Well then the toilet got clogged, and it made a huge mess from overflowing.
So now I’m grounded in my room. Sux to be me.
But I love you!
Kisses,
Aggie
