12/22 -

Dearest Diary,
     Today was horrible. It was about 10:00, when my mom just bursts into my room with a tray filled with food. She thought that it would be a good idea to bring me breakfast in bed. NO. You can't just come bursting in my room like that. Especially as early as 10:00. Second, she KNOWS that I don't eat pancakes. All I eat right now is 500  calories a day. DO you know how many calories are in a pancake? Neither do I. But it's a lot.

     So my mom is being so inconsiderate, just ignoring my privacy, so I dumped the tray on the floor and tried to go back to sleep. My mom shouted at me that I just broke some of he mom's special plates. I told her that I was doing her a favor (Grandmonster's plates are UGGBOOTS. Just like everything she has) and that she should be more grateful for me. Mom told me to get out of bed and clean it up. I said that she should get out of bed and clean it up. I got grounded for the rest of the day. Which is not even fair because I was going to go to Britta's house today and talk about cuticle things, like my nails, and my hair, and my new Ugg Boots, that are not UGGBOOTS. OHHH! And I got this FABBY Coach purse, that is so cuticle.

   So now I had to find something to do around the house. There was this one show on T.V. advertising these AMAZEBALLS fur coats. I think it was called Peta... Anyways, then I decided to make Christmas cookies (I'd never made them before). Mom told me she hadn't gone shopping in a while, so we probably didn't have everyhting I needed to make cookies. I ignored her. I followed a recipe I got online. Then I discoverd that we didn't have all of the ingredients, so my mom told me to use substitutions. Here is what I substituted:

• Flour: Protein Shake Powder 
• Chocolate Chips - Chocolate morsels (I have never heard of chocolate shaped like chips. Who would do that?)
• Baking Soda - Rootbeer 
• Sugar - Salt (they look exactly the same)
• Milk - Water 

I put the dough on the counter like it said, but it ran off the counter and splattered on the floor. Then my Britta called and I talked to her for like an hour. When I got back my mom had cleaned the dough off the counter. WHAT THE HECK! I wan't done! Did it look like I was done?! No. It didn't. What was my mom thinking?! I have no idea.

Then I gave my dog a haircut. I thought it would be cool if Baldo had a mo-hawk. Mom didn't think it looked very good.

Then dad came home with lots of shopping bags. He told me I couldn't see what was inside so I snuck a dog treat into each of the bags. Baldo started attacking the bags, and my dad got mad because someone gave him a mohawk.

Then dad wrapped everything in the bags and put the presents under the Christmas tree. During the night I snuck a peek at some of them I was apaled to learn that my parents had gotten Stephon the makeup I wanted for Christmas. They probably got the tags mixed up.

Well. Now I'm in bed. Waiting for another day.
Goodnight,
Aggie

11/6 - some things about me

Whats your middle name?

Gretchen

What are you listening to right now?

Super Bass by Nicky Minaj. 

How is the weather right now?  

Freezing my really cute sox off.

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?  

Their muscles... 

Do you drink?  

Only if the cops don't know. 

Favorite holiday?

My Birthday. It is just so Fabby when everyone has to do what I say

Last Movie you Watched? 

The hangover. 

What books are you reading? 

HAHAHAHA. As if anyone reads anymore.

Favorite Flower? 

Rose. That's really the only kind of flower I know... 

Have you ever loved someone?

BRITTA! She is an AMAZEBALLS friend. 

Do you like to travel by plane? 

To cheer comps? Yes. 

Are you missing someone? 

Yes. Grandmonster. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not. 

What do you have handy at your bedside? 

My favorite little notebook I use as this journal. It is so cuticle (as Britta would say)

Grilled or fried? 

Neither. I am on a very strict diet. Only water and lemon for another month. 

What makes you unique? 

My Fabby hair. My amazeballs thighs. My hips. My great sense of humor. 

Are you afraid of the dark?

YES. 

Three things you can’t live without? 

Cheer. Money. Men. 

What are you afraid of? 

Murderers, guns, clowns, spiders, skeeter hawks, seaweed, the dark, public speaking, failure, dying. 

Stuck on a deserted island and could take one book?  

I would take my ipad. 

Whats your favorite color?  

Pink.

What are the things you always take with you? 

ipad. phone. gum. makeup. tampons. curling iron. a lemon (for lunch) . My cheer uniform. Fake nails (but the kind that look real). My chiwawa. 

What did you want to be when you were a little kid? 

Someone who live in a brothel. I really wanted to make soups. 

What do you usually do when the clock strikes 11:11?  

Write in my diary.

The color of your bed sheets?

Pink and orange tie-dyed :) my best friend made them for me. 

What do you think about before you go to bed? 

ZACH.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
Yes.

Are you taller than your mom?
We’re about the same height.

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
Not him. Nick might though... 

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Um... mom might read this.

Do you take walks often?
I walk through my house.

Think back to June. Were you in a relationship?
I'm ALWAYS in a relationship. His name now is Gregory. 

Have you ever had feelings for someone who was dating someone else?
ZACH.

What should you really be doing right now?
Homework. But I never do it anyways.

Do you swear in front of your parents?
I called my mom a @#$% the other day. She grounded me. But the joke is on her, because I'm ALREADY grounded. 

What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
Britta would never leave me.

You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems?

We would probably make out.

What’s so special about what you’re wearing?
My cheer outfit is the best one of all. 

Does it annoy you when people play dumb?
I hate it when Grandmonster is dumb. She asked me how old I was yesterday. What the heck?!

Are you a slut?
Definitely. I once told my mom that I was going to be a prostitute when I grow up. I was totally kidding, but she freaked out hahaha.

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning?
Sleeping.

Are you ticklish?
Yesss. But I pretend I’m not. When people find out I’m ticklish, they attack me. 

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
Side or stomach.

Last time you saw fireworks?
In Zach's eyes...

Are you easily scared by horror movies?
No. But I pretend to be so that I can snuggle up to my BF. 

Its 12am, you wake up crying, you call?
Nobody. I don’t like talking on the phone when I’m crying. Plus, I never go to bed before midnight, so I wouldn’t wake up at 12AM crying.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed?
I AM.

How late did you stay up last night and why? 
Like 4:30.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? 
The better question: Who DOESN'T have feelings for me?
 
What do you miss the most about your past? 
When Jonah was my BF. We broke up, because he got a pimple on his face. I can't be seen with that. It would ruin my image. 
  
When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Tonight. Probably.
 
Who are you dating? 
Gregory. And a little bit of Ryan. (But I mostly only flirt with him, I promise) ;)
 
Was this past weekend a good one? 
Friday was fun! Today sucked. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
 
Do you miss the way things used to be? 
Like when I was six. Not really. I wasn't even allowed to see rated R movies. What the heck?!
 
Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? 
For me to know. And you not to find out. ;)

What was the last thing you and your Mom talked about? 
What a @#$%& she is.
 
Do you hate the last person you kissed? 
Only when he wont let me stare at Zach.
 
Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? 
Maybe. Perhaps kssing Sebastian. He was UGGBOOTS.
 
Do you want to get married some day? 
Yes. A little. Although it will be a very open relationship.

Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly? 

No.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating? 
;)
 
Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? 
NO. Rachel is so mean.
 
Have you ever had feelings for an ex after you broke up? 
Every one.
 
Who is the last person you were in a car with besides family?
Britta! :)
 
In the past week, have you cried hysterically? 
I wouldn’t call it hysterical crying.
 
Are you satisfied with your life as of now? 
I'm beautiful. What else is there?

Did any particular thing brighten up your day today? 
Disney movies! Hahaha
  
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? 
Stephon. I tell him EVERYTHING. and vice versa.
  
Do you always care what you look like? 
Duh.
  
Is the person you last texted single? 
Stephon? Yes. 
  
Think of the last person who you said I love you to, did you mean it? 
Not really. He's an awful kisser.
  
Have you ever fallen asleep on someone’s shoulder? 
Perhaps...
  
Where was the last place you went besides your house? 
Britta's house. We did all sorts of girly stuff, like paint our nails. And bake. Although I couldn't eat any. This is when my lemon comes in handy. 
  
Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? 
I'll date anyone who is tall, and strong, and handsome, and gorgeous. 
  
Are your nails painted? 
Yes, they are so CUTICLE with the little flowers and everything! (I believe I just made a pun)
  
Have you ever lost someone who meant a great deal to you? 
Not really. 
  
Look in your inbox in your phone, who are all the people you have texts from? 
I haven’t erased my messages in a while. Let’s see…. Stephon, Britta, Dad, Mom, Britta again. 

 
Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
Male. Stephon told me that if I really wanted curly hair, I would wash it BEFORE I went to bed. 
 
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? 
Uh... EVERYONE.

How does it feel to be heart broken? 
I love it! It’s wonderful! What a stupid question.

Do you find it hard to trust others? 
Yes. 

11/5 - Words

Dearest Diary,
For all my future admirerors, when this is on display at the museum of me I want everyone to know what all my Amazeballs words mean. So here goes...

1. Amazeballs - Amazing. Like me. 
2. Cuticle - Cute. Britta keeps saying that it's not a word, but I think we ALL know that it is. 
3. Fabby - Fabulous. Stephon uses this word A LOT. 
4. Totes - Totally. Ususally used with Amazeballs. Totes Amazeballs. 
5. Perfnugs - Perfect. I even got my mom saying it! Soon the whole world will know of my smartness.
6. OMGizzle - I personally hate this word, but Britta uses it all the time, so I will include it anyways 
7. Uggboots. Ugly. Like the Grandmonster. Or Mrs. Perry. Or Rachel. Or our garbage man. Or that scarf that Stephon wore yesterday. It did not match his sweater. 
8. Awkypocky - Awkward. My mom.

Well. That's all of them I'm to tired to write anymore. 

Goodnight,

Aggie

10/24 - Members of my family

Dearest Diary,
My family so so ungrateful! I do everything for them. And do I ever expect ANYTHING in return? NO. I do not! And so you would think that when I ask for unlimited text, my parents would fall heels over elbows to give it  to me. That is why I've decided to dedicate this post to my family that I was unfortunately "blessed with" according to Bishop Henry.

Craig - Most people say I should stop calling him that. They say, "it's too disrespectful." Well you know what? If I called you something other than your name it would probably be fatty, so stuff it. Anyways, he is sometimes nice. You know, he got me that fabby spensive shampoo that I always wanted for Christmas. But then he can be a real poopnuts. I mean really. I can't just have the unlimited plan that only costs like 20 bucks more? 20 bucks is like the price of my panties. Gosh. What do I have to do to get some respect in this place? Anyways, over all on a scale of 1-10 I would have to rate him a 3. This is because while he calls me his "little diputs", but one time  he said I needed to improve my grades. What the heck! I worked my butt off for that C! C stands for correct. Right?

Judy - Why did I get cursed with a mom so bossy. "Do your homework! Go to bed, it's 12:00! Stop bothering your brother!" I'm pretty sure she just likes to hear herself yell. I don't know why she doesn't understand what I'm going through. The other day, while doing our regular routine, my skirt tore. "Oh well, I'll just sew it up then," she said. WHAT THE HECK! A sewed skirt. I don't live in the jungle, Judy. I'm not a cave man, so why would I wear a sewed skirt. The gall of some people. (Gall is one of my vocabulary words. It means stupid.) Anyways, On a scale of 1-10, I would rate Judy a 2. This is because she is just obnoxious. She always talks back to me.

Stephon - We get along pretty well because we like all the same things. Although this is sometimes a problem because we always get the same things for Christmas. Like that fabby shampoo. He wears some of the best clothes too. One day he wore this adorable turtle neck, with a red scarf that matched. He looked so perfnugs! He also does this great thing with his hair. He like combs it up and then down. He spends FOREVER in the bathroom sometimes trying to get it JUST right. He is also very active. He goes to the gym frequently. And I do have to say, he looks pretty cute in his muscle shirt, and shorts. Anyways, on a scale of 1-10 I would say an 8 because he is just so nice, and always warns me before I go out in public in something that just doesn't work. One time he said, "No. Don't do THAT. The color scheme is TOTALLY off." He so great that way.

Grandmonster - The devil from hell.

Britta - She isn't really in my family, but we are family on Facebook, so it's basically the same thing. She is like my FAVORITEST person in the WHOLE WIDEST WORLD! She is like my twinsie. We came up with this idea that we were born twins, but then she died. When she asked God for one more chance he said, "Ok, but you cannot be in the same family anymore." So we really are twins and its just so perfnuggs. On a scale of 1-10, 10000000000000000000000000000000000. Because she is my BFF.

So yeah. That's all for tonight.
XOXOXO
Aggie.

10/24 - Three Cheers for ME!

Dearest Diary,
Today I met the most perfnuggets person in the WHOLE WORLD! Me and some other girls from my cheer squad went to Los Angeles for a cheer competison.  It was so AMAZEBALLS! We got to the school at 5:30 to take a nasty bus to LA. I wanted to drive my Mustang there, but coach told me that I needed to take the bus. I told him that it was important for me to look good for all the cheer boys, but he said that I needed humility. HUMILITY?! I thought that humility was only for poor people. But even though I had to ride in a giant twinkie, I still had fun with my biffle Britta. We talked about our favoritest people in the whole wide world. They are:

• Taylor Lautner (ADORABLE)
• Chris Hemsworth (SOOOO CUTE!)
• Santa (Because I couldn't sing Santa Baby in my sparkly red booty shorts, and itty bitty santa hat without him. Other wise he is just UGGBOOTS. Although I give props to Mrs. Clause for staying with him so long. I would have sent him away a long time ago. She probably only does it because he has midget slaves)
• Blake Lively (Because she is so GORGEOUS! I am so jealous of her perm!)

So anyways, then the fat, wrinkley old bus driver turned on the radio and Hot N' Cold was on! It was sooooo fabby! I got up and started to dance. Then Britta got up and started to dance. The  bus driver didn't seem to mind either till I started using the pole in front of the stairs. He told us to sit down and that dancing on a moving bus wasn't very safe. It must have taken a lot of energy for him to say that because his face was the color of the red shirt I was wearing.

When we got to the cheer competition there was this one girl who thought that she was better than everybody else. And you'll never guess what I heard her say! "Obv." Yeah. THAT'S MY WORD! She can't steal my word! I invented it! (Well actually I stole it from Britta, but whatevs). Ohhh I just could rip her weave out! Anyways, I heard that Rachel was in LA too, going to some sort of singing thing. As if singing got people anywhere. It doesn't matter though, because cheer looks way better than any stupid choir thing.

So we did our routine, which was by far the best, but there was this one guy in another cheer squad who fell in love with me at first sight. We made eye contact during one of his routines. Then he did this super awesome special flip that I knew he did just for me. We are meant for each other! He is just about the Hottest guy I've EVER seen. We would def make it into the year book as the cutest couple. My hair matches his eyes perfnuggs!

After the competition there was a dance for all the squads. I saw him there too. He was just hanging around a bunch of guys at the punch bowl. I decided to hunt down the prey. So I got out my itsy bitsy mirror, put on some blush, fluffed my hair and pranced over to him. "Didn't I see you doing that flip in the routine?" I asked him.

"I don't know. Did you?" He said.

"I did if you want me too..."

"I don't want you too."

What the heck! I practically handed him an opportunity, but NOOOOO. What is it with boys?! They think they're so much better than everyone else. (Here is the thing though. Zach would FREAK if he knew I was flirting. So don't tell anybody.)

After the dance we all got on the buses. The bus driver told me to sit in the back this time. All I could think about on then way home was that boy who did the flip. His bulging muscles... his adorable nose... his perfect use of eyeliner to highlight his eyes.... come to think of it he had the best highlights. I want a man with highlights. Zach doesn't have highlights. Stephon does though...

Anyways when I got home mom got mad at me for not calling when I got there. I told her that she should call when she gets there. She sent me to my room. Later that night she came in and told me that Grandmonster might be coming to live with us. Pooh.

Anyways, I'm really tired so this is it.
GOODNIGHT!
-Aggie

10/3

Dearest Diary,
Does my mom hate me? Today she invited Grandmonster over for dinner. "Mom. Grandmonster can hardly get up out of a chair. How is she supposed to get here?" I asked. She just did the mom look. Well, as it turns out, Dad picked up Grandmonster on his way home from work. Dinner was awful, because Grandmonster had to take pills. She told once told me that one of her pills helps her trembling hands, and I asked her how she was even going to pick up the pill with her trembling hands. I went home early from Grandmonster's that day. Anyways, other than dinner, my day was totally AMAZEBALLS! I went to the mall with Britta, my BFF and Stephon, who tagged along, because mom said he needed new shoes or something. We went to Bath and Body Works, where Stephon spent a REALLY long time picking out a lotion that he thought would be good "for his friend". Then we went to Target where we tried on a bunch of clothes (mom won't pay for clothes from Forever 21. I know, my life sucks) all of which were about as attractive as Mrs. Perry. Finally I picked out this Fabby looking button up shirt, and some HOT flats from payless. When we were driving home I saw a sign that said, "What are you doing for your country?" It had a picture of a really cute soldier. That made me really think. I have now decided that I'm going to marry a soldier, because they look SOOOO hot in their uniforms.

Anyways, my goals for this year are these:
1. Get a swimsuit tan.
2. Loose 30 pounds (120 just won't do)
3. Go out with Zach
4. Kiss Zach
5. Make Cheer
6. Get a car
7. Marry a soldier.

That's all for tonight!
Love,
Aggie (Agatha)

P.S. Mom says that I might have a little sister. What is that supposed to mean?!

9/27 - Aggie

Dearest Diary, 

Today I had the absolute, WORST day in my entire life. My day started really bad. I had to wake up early today because my mom kept bugging me about all my homework I forgot to do. Oh my goodness. This is MY life! I can take responsibility! Gosh. Then, as I was deciding what to wear, I noticed that my mom hadn't done the landry for two days! What the heck?! I had absolutely NO clothes to wear. My mom told me that I should put on the uggboots nasty old sweater that Grandmonster gave me last Christmas. I told her to shut her face. That made her mad, so she told me that she wasn't going to do any laundry for another day! Do you know what this means? It means I'm had to have to wear the Grandmonster sweater. It's the WORST. She tells me that she spent months knitting it just to fit me. She even tried to get me to like it by knitting a picture of a dog on the front. What was she thinking? Doesn't she now dogs are so last year? What the heck?! Oh well, I took a pair of scissors and cut the sides into strips so I could tie them together, and then  I used some fabric paint to make the dog look more like a cat. It looked pretty fabby if you ask me. Who knows maybe I'll start another fashion trend! That would be totally fetch. =)

When I got to school everyone was so jealous of my cat sweater! All my friends said, "That has go to be the... most interesting sweater I've ever seen!" Even my teachers thought it looked great. Mrs. Perry - the ugly wrinkly teacher who does the knitting club - asked my if I knitted it myself. "Of course I did!" I told her. She asked me what kind of stitch I used. What kind of question is that?! "The In and out stitch, duh." I told her. She wasn't very happy. I have no idea why; she is the one asking stupid questions.


I even got a glance from Zach! I had no idea what to do, because I was totally staring at him. I pretended to drop knock my pencil off the desk. It would have been a pretty smooth move if it hadn't hit Rachel in the back of the head. Stupid Rachel and fat big head. She has it in for me. I just know it. All the teachers love her - she's the kind of person that pretends she has all A's (as if that's even possible), but I'm on to her. Anyways, Zach handed me my pencil and I almost died. HE TOUCHED MY PENCIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE TOUCHED MY PENCIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE TOUCHED MY PENCIL! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
But then my teacher sent me out of the classroom for being mean so I went into the hall and screamed just as the dean passed. He is SOOOO uggboots. All wrinkly faced and old. He sent me to the office and my stupid councellor called home. What the heck!? All I did was flick my pencil at stupid Rachel! She deserved it, anyways. Yesterday, when I was walking down the hallway, watching Zach she ran into me! ON perpus!! She said she was sorry, but I saw right through her nasty lie.  


So my mom came and had to pick me up from school. The drive home was so awkypocky, I almost jumped out of the car. It was silent the whole time. When we got home I ran to my room pretending to cry so my mom would feel bad for me. She came in later and asked me what happened at school. "It wasn't my fault!" I told her. She told me that she was tired of having to come to school and pick me up for being meant to Rachel.


Then dad came home and told me that my grades needed to improve or I couldn't do cheer anymore. What the heck!? Who made that a law? 


Then my stephon (my brother) tried to tell me that my sweater didn't "match my shoe tone, AT ALL." Whatever.  He is just  a boy. He doesn't know anything about fashion. 


Then mom said I couldn't go to my BFF's house because I was falling behind. I told her she couldn't leave the house because she was falling behind.


I spent the rest of the day in my room. 


Well, that's how my WORSTEST day went. Sad face.
Truly yours, 
Aggie 
(Agatha)