Dearest Diary,
Today I finally got to see the thing. It was really ugly and red. It looked like a pig. I told my mom that she shouldn't have wasted the last few months lounging around and eating a lot, because that's what probably made the baby so fat. She said it was rude to say things like that, and I said that it was only the truth. She looked mad. Anyways, mom had to stay at the hospital to recover, but I got to go home with dad. Stephon said that I looked like trash, and handed my a portable curling iron and a hair tie. "Here," he said, "please put up that rats nest of hair." I love Stephon; he knows what guys like in girls, so he's always good for fashion advice.
When I got home I was really tired so I went to bed. Dad said I didn't have to go to school today, so I slept for a good long time. When I woke up I went down to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Then I went outside to practice some of my cheer routines. That's when the worstest thing happend. A bird flew over and pooped on my hair. It was so gross so I tried to call dad at work, but he wouldn't pick up. Then I called mom, who was still at the hospital. She didn't pick up either. Stephon came around the corner, and told me that I had too much mousse in my hair. I screamed at him, and he ran away.
Then I took a shower, and washed it out, but I felt like I could never be clean again, so I used a scrub brush to clean my head.Stupsicle.
When mom got back from the hospital that night, dad fixed dinner. He made shrimp. I said I dont like shrimp and he said, "too bad." Then I said that I would rather eat my arm than shrimp, and he said fine. Then I got an idea. I went to mom and told her that I wanted to hold the baby. Mom said yes, but sounded like she didnt really want to let me. I picked up the baby and made a little bed for it in my drawer. Then I put the baby inside and closed it. Then i went to the kitchen and told my dad that if he made me eat shrimp I would kill myself and he would never find the baby.
"What?" he blurted out.
"I hid the baby, and you'll never find it."
Dad got really mad and shouted at me to tell him where the baby was. I said it was in the toilet. Dad looked really scared and then ran past me and into the bathroom. He came back fuming.
"Tell me where she is." He said in his scary voice.
"Not till you promise no shrimp."
"Just tell me where she is."
"Okay, okay... she is out in the garden."
Dad looked worried again and ran out to the front yard. I followed behind him, and as soon as he was outside, I closed the door and locked it. I had locked Stephon out plenty of times to know the procedure. I opened the little box by the side of the door, and disabled the doorbell. Then i ran around locking all the other doors and windows in the house. Mom was up in her room, so she wouldn't hear dad knocking. Then I went into the kitchen and made a pile of all the shrimp on top of the stove. I lit the stove, and the shrimp started to catch on fire. This made a lot of smoke, so the fire alarm went off. Mom came down the stairs screaming for her baby, and then she heard dad shouting at the door to be let in. She quickly opened the door and ran into the kitchen, to find me looking for the fire extinguisher that I could swear was underneath the sink. I finally found it in a cupboard, and threw it at the pile of fire. Mom and dad were shouting at me now. Saying stuff like "That's not how you use a fire extinguisher!" Stephon ran into the kitchen. He was in the middle of a facial, and so he was mad too.
Finally, we got the fire put out, and I told mom where the baby was. She found the baby and sent me to my room.
After I slammed the door in anger I laughed, because I didn't have to eat shrimp for dinner. Then I remembered that I probably wouldn't eat anything for dinner.
So I smashed my ceiling light with my cheer baton.
So that's why I am sitting in the dark with my phone light, writing this.
That's how my day went, so goodnight.
Aggie :)
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